loltrainingdevices - Skippy! The Wonder Horse

LAWL Training Devices

Buy these things! BUY THEM NOW! Its the ONLY way your horse will learn to do ANYTHING! If you think you don't need them, you're WRONG and your horse is not really as well trained as you think!

I Want That!!!

I began to notice a trend with a lot of Big Name Trainers... and that Trend is Selling Out. Taking ordinary items such as tom thumbs and halters, slapping their name on it, and raising the price by $30.00 because they know their fans are too insecure to buy anything that ISN'T approved by their favorite trainer. So, in all my greatness, I have scribed a rough draft of my very own training device. Yes, I know the drawing sucks, but hey, i'd like to see you do better with a hoof for a hand.

Instructional Video Available for $69.99 USD

What better tool to buy than one made by a horse, for a horse? You'll be the talk of the barn with this Wonderful training device! Observe the features of your new Equine Wonder Noodle. The Noodle itself is made of the highest quality foam and can also be used as a flotation device incase your horse bulldozes you a creek you're trying to lead him through. Do not use this Wonder Noodle SOLELY as a flotation device. This is not a pool noodle, this is a high quality Equine Training Device. It is not to be used for fun times and merriment. It should be used to desensitize your horse. The Equine Wonder Noodle comes in one color: Neon Green. To use, simply find a spot on your horse that he doesnt like being touched and hit him with it. Whack him silly. Stop hitting him when he doesn't care anymore. We have included a stylish Carabiner clip for easy storage. Do not hit your horse with that end, unless you want to see instant results. And the best feature of this Wonder Noodle is my Signature (penned by my owner), so the whole world will know you were stupid enough to spend $88.00 on a POOL NOODLE.

See how stupid that looks?

Before I begin, please understand that I don't believe all these trainers are bad with Horses... But all of them are extremely guilty of using their Name (or as they call it, their brand) to get money off of gullible newbies who are too insecure to ask someone they know for help working with their horse(s) so they feel the need to suckle off of the TEAT OF KNOWLEDGE that each of these Big Name Trainers have. Using power to get money is lame. And trust me, I know a thing or two about lameness.

Clinton Anderson - Out of everyone, I think this guy really does get it. It's funny though, because my owners and my breeder seem to share this guy's view on horsemanship even though they never heard of him until late 2007. Just because he teaches good horsemanship doesn't mean he invented it ( I am not saying this to Clinton, i'm saying it to his followers who seem to think nobody ever thought of these methods before).

A quick click to DownUnderHorsemanship.com will take you to Clinton's website. Once the website loads, you'll quickly realize that there is NO training tips anywhere on there. Why would he share his views for free on the interwebz if he knows you'll pay for it? Infact, the first tab on his website is his STORE! You know exactly why he bought that domain name? To sell stuff to people that didn't buy tickets to go to one of his clinics :D So, after heading to the store it didn't take me long to find this:

Clinton Anderson's LolRope - $54.99 USD

Description on Website: The lead rope is 14-foot long. Clinton prefers this length, as it is long enough to do all your ground work, and get out of danger if you are working with a disrespectful horse, but it is not so long that you are dragging excess rope. The rope features a special weighted end that makes it easier to twirl when you want your horse to move away, or yield. This rope has amazing feel and energy to it, wiggle to give the slightest cue and it will carry all the way through the rope, try doing that with a floppy lead rope from your local feedstore - you can`t! Available in black, blue, black with blue tracer, pink, purple, tan, or tan and white. Also available in 10-foot length.

Ok, Ok, Ok. So. This is a lead Rope. Albiet, a 14 foot one.. but still.. Seriously Clinton? Really? $55.00 for a LEAD ROPE?!! Here are the two good things about this lead rope: It gives you 4 extra feet of length to react incase your horse spooks and runs like hell... and it doesn't look like it will burn your hands if you get dragged. But all the puffery in the description makes me laugh. Its a LEADROPE. You LEAD your horse with it! You know, i've seen people use something like this before on horses that run... its called a LUNGE LINE :o! It has extra length, and is usually made out of cotton so their little meaty hands don't get burned. The awesome thing, is its only $15.99 at your local tack store :D

First off... why didn't Clinton write the own description for his product?

"The rope features a special weighted end that makes it easier to twirl when you want your horse to move away, or yield." The lead rope that my owner uses on me has something like that on it too. Lead Rope manufacturers double the rope back at the end to prevent it from fraying. My owner got his lead rope from some odd little fellow who makes them by hand.. I think he paid 5 dollars. My owner doesn't use the lead rope to get me out of his space that much anymore. He usually uses a rag/small towel and twirls it at me to get me to move away from him. and he also uses it to wipe my nose out, and clean my ears. Can I clean my nose with your lead rope Clinton? Its $55.00... it better do more than just clip to my halter.

"This rope has amazing feel and energy to it, wiggle to give the slightest cue and it will carry all the way through the rope, try doing that with a floppy lead rope from your local feedstore - you can`t!" You know, its funny... i feel every single cue my owner gives me through the lead rope. He has bought lead ropes from feed stores, tack stores, ebay, etc and I have always felt every cue he has given me through that rope. It was just a matter of whether or not i chose to listen to that cue. So that is a bold faced lie. Throw a qualifier in there like "you probably can't". Oh... and how does a lead rope have energy? I don't see a plug on it... is it "green" compatable?

His training DVDs are around the $120.00 mark. So, if you have a problem with your horse... Clinton knows how to fix it!!!... but just how much money are you willing to spend to fix your communication problem with your horse? Clinton Anderson hopes $120.00! :D

Stacey Westfall - Stacey Westfall fell off of Clinton Anderson. She studied underneith him then parted ways to start her own training outfit. People have described her as "The Female Clinton Anderson" or "The Clinton Anderston that girls can relate to". Unlike Clinton, the bulk of her DVDs are $50.00 which are pretty affordable when compared to buying Equine Literature. Furthermore, on her website, WestfallHorsemanship.com she actually posts questions that her "herd" (as she calls her fans/followers) asks, and answers them offering FREE advice! I respect her on that aspect. But holy freaking crap this made me shit a brick (thanks Sand Clear :D!)

Stacey Westfall's LolBall - $41.95 USD

Description on Website: Stacy Westfall guides you through the proper uses for the activity ball in a 10 minute DVD. She'll show you how to incorporate the ball into your everyday training routine. From rolling the ball, to bouncing the ball. Stacy covers exercises that will help desensitize your horse and provide safety tips to keep in mind. 95" diameter.

No, this is NOT a photoshop job. This is an honest to God product that Stacey Westfall sells. I couldn't find it on her website, I found it on Jeffers.com... which is probably why the price on this product is so low.

"She'll show you how to incorporate the ball into your everyday training routine." - If you board your horse.. be prepared to be asked to leave. I promise you, if you use this ball every day at a boarding facility not only will you be laughed at, but you will get yelled at by the 20 other people trying to work their horses and keep them from gawking and spooking at you throwing a yoga ball at your horse.

"Stacy covers exercises that will help desensitize your horse and provide safety tips to keep in mind." - Awesome. If my owner buys this for me, the next time a giant blueberry comes flying at me i'll know how to handle myself. Thanks Stacey :D!

Did anyone else noticed how humiliated the horse on the box looks? If he could talk, he'd say "Please put me back in my stall."

I get the concept Stacey, but my owner will go to Wal Mart and buy a $10.00 yoga ball if he wanted to go down that road. I prefer my pool noodle anyways.

The entity known as parelli - First off, I disrepsect this company so much that I REFUSE to capitalize the "p" in parelli. I know its a proper noun, but I am a passive aggressive asshole. I guess pat could say thats my HORSEINALITY :D! Second, what is so damn awesome about this entity is how money driven they are. On their website, parelli.com the first thing I noticed is the shopping cart logo and rolling price total on the top of the webpage. The site is DESIGNED to be a store! They also have another website, parellicollection.com for selling their crap. I am not even going to go into detail about how retarded the entire company is. That's for another day kids! :D So i'll just pick something off of his website, because it's all such a joke. I'll take my closer jabs when i get the time to devote an entire page to him :> BYTHEWAY..... thewonderhorse.com was once owned by an entity of parelli............... Look who's THE Wonder Horse now, bitch :p By the way, gotta mention this. They have a 12 foot roflrope (2 feet shorter than Clintons, hence why it isn't a lolrope) available on their website for $66.60. Not only are you paying more money for 2 feet less lead rope.. but if you move the decimal place ITS THE NUMBER OF THE BEAST! ANTICHRIST! >O AND.. he also sells a roflball! It is $75.00 and does not include an instructional video, like Stacey's $41.95 lolball... but its green! I guess that adds to the value because it is the color of food and poop. Anyways... have a look at this train wreck:

parelli's roflsaddle - $4,129.00 USD

It was difficult to pin down a description for this saddle that was NOT a review. Upon opening parellicollection.com, you'll notice two drawings of a horse, one green, and one red with a swayed back. He claims that any saddle that he does not sell WILL result in your horse having a sway back and being in great pain. You CAN get a FREE instructional video on their saddles and why you NEED one, but they charge $5.00 shipping and handling. Last time i checked, a DVD mailer could ship across the country for about a buck. So, you're paying $4.00 for a DVD that is pressuring you into buying a $4,129.00 saddle. You have to buy the saddle, or else you'll hurt your horse FOREVERZ

I have to say folks, i've met quite a few aged and young lesson horses, most of which have had to sport western saddles, english saddles, etc. and only 3 or 4 of them have been swaybacked, and those few were horses that had been neglected or starved and couldn't gain the weight back. Lesson horses have to deal with inexperienced kids and adults slamming on their backs trying to post, ripping their faces off, etc. and the only result of that is a horse that just plain doesn't like people. Their backs didnt sway, their muscles didn't atrophy, WE DONT NEED THIS SADDLE TO BE HEALTHY!

The other thing i am noticing is the billet strap placement isn't adjustable. I am ridden in a Circle Y Park and Trail saddle which has two rigging loops for the billet. More things to adjust are better to ensure its a good fit for us. Not to mention, I do have a difficult back to saddle. My owner fixes this by using a very specific type of padding to make the ride more comfortable for me. I use 3 different pads when I am saddled. two of them are felt, and one is a weight distributor and as i said, I always have good rides. The tack isnt the problem. My feet are.

Put thought into your tack. Don't put an arabian tree saddle on a Quarter Horse's back. That WILL hurt the horse. Remember, don't buy a saddle just because it fits YOU or your taste in trainers.. buy a saddle because it fits US. We're the ones who have to bear the weight of you through that saddle. Just because some guy with a fu man chu tells you it is the best does NOT mean it's whats best for us.

Please, don't buy this saddle. Instead, spend the money on Wormer, Farrier Work, Vet Care, and Feed. Put it away in your savings incase we colic, or hurt ourselves so you don't have to put us down.

Questions? Comments? Hate Mail?

skippy@thewonderhorse.com

I can't promise that i'll take you seriously :p